Reviewer’s Roundtable: Microcinema Booty Call!
By MicroCinema Scene • Nov 6th, 2003 • Category: Round TablesBy Jason Santo, Gary M. Lumpp, John Oak Dalton
In this Reviewer’s Roundtable, the boys take on Dept. 13’s Boobie Trap and other movies our wives and girlfriends are better off not knowing about. Pictured at left is Melissa Wolf enjoying a particularly soothing shower in Boobie Trap.
Boobie Trap
Consensus review rating: **
Written and directed by: Herb Henderson
Starring: Randy Byars, Stacy Sheets and Lou Cyphere
Available from: Dept.13
JOHN: So there’s always a scene in Sex and the City where Sarah Jessica Parker is typing away on her laptop and looking pensively over the Manhattan skyline. She then poses a question. I’ve done this. Except I’m a little hairier and bit more burly, and I’m looking out over a cornfield. But you get the idea. So the question is, “If sex comedies aren’t funny, and soft-core horror’s not scary, then why not rent a porno and be done with it?”
GARY: I’m convinced there will always be a slice of society that can’t drag itself to rent an "adult" movie, so there will always be a market for soft-core. Be it a comedy or a horror flick, if it features young, good looking men and women gettin’ it on, there are people who would like to think that as long as there’s a story, they’re not committing some kind of sin. That, and you can’t go into the video store and rent a porno without looking like a sex fiend, since they’re always in some darkened back room. The soft core is right alongside the Hollywood blockbusters, and usually cheaper too. I think that on the micro-budget scene, though, it has more to do with marketing and making money. We all know sex sells, and if you can’t make a funny comedy or a scary movie, you’d better deliver on the skin or the consumers won’t come back for more.
JASON: I guess I’d just like to interject here with a personal preference: I like softcore movies. Some of the ones I’ve seen HAVE been very funny and interesting, in addition to being right sexy in an inoffensive way. Titles that come to mind are The Sex Files (aka: Alien Files), Playboy’s Embrace the Darkness series, Femalien and Seduction Cinema’s TITanic 2000. I’ve always been more partial to non-explicit depictions of sex, so I like the stuff that comes out of Image Entertainment (or Indigo… either way it’s Playboy’s video label) and I used to like the Full Moon/Surrender Cinema stuff. Hell, as stated above, there have even been a few decent Seduction Cinema offerings, although they’ve gone to crap in recent years.
But yes, I can see the side of the coin you guys are looking at. The stuff that hides under the guise of not being erotic – the stuff that poses as comedy or horror when not offering either – is certainly terrible. And what’s most wrong about these flicks is how little sexiness they possess. Not funny, not competently made, and not sexy despite a truckload of gear-dropping actors and actresses, I wonder if all these guys care about is what the front cover of the DVD or VHS will look like on the shelves at Best Buy. Need names? Hookers in a Haunted House, Erotic Survivor, and Satan’s School for Lust top my list of just plain terrible cross genre offerings.
JOHN: The painful truth is that a lot of microcinema offerings don’t look as good as the average porno! But one that does is Department 13’s Boobie Trap, a rather spindly horror/mystery that has some fun moments but is especially notable for extremely polished production values. Too bad they didn’t marry those with a more robust story.
GARY: Agreed, the storyline in Boobie Trap seems more suited to a short than a feature, so the running time is padded out with very long scenes of the nubile Melissa Wolf walking around naked (and doing other things naked - but the key is the lack of clothes). While she looks great, after a while I lost interest. Yes, even as a red-blooded American man I lost interest in a naked woman - because there wasn’t much else going on. I did like the detective and his story, but I think it was clear that the producers knew that Miss Wolf was going to sell copies and they justifiably gave her the majority of the screen time. I just wish she was given more to do.
JASON: I felt Boobie Trap was a clever little flick, a two-star entry in the Microcinema horror field saved by those polished production values John was speaking about (particularly some nice no-budget sound) and a nifty twist ending. And yes, I too was bored after a while of seeing Ms. Wolf naked scene after scene. I like the women, but like Gary, I like the women doing something, not just lounging around or making a sandwich or whatever.
JOHN: It seemed a remarkable waste of considerable production talent to be phoning it in on the script side. But there are many, many of these films out there doing the very same thing.
GARY: I tend to think that nudity is the one thing you can put on screen and everything else will be forgiven. Make a horror movie with no scares? Bad. Make a comedy with no laughs? Bad. Put a gorgeous young thang on camera naked? Good. Even if he or she isn’t doing anything, it’s forgiven because - hey, they’re nude! We may be human, but we’re still animals. Playboy has made a mint on videos that are nothing more than attractive women posing for an hour on tape. But on the Microscene, it’s hard to find a beauty that could fill the pages of a men’s magazine. That’s why I think certain production companies are on the right track by taking their sexy young stars and putting them in parodies - they’re losing their clothes, which is good for the male viewers, and they’re at least trying to tell (or retell) a story, which is good for those of us who actually care about things like that.
JASON: And of course it doesn’t hurt if you’re piggy-backing on a well-known marquee name…
JOHN: There are very few women on the microcinema scene that I think could be catapulted to that next level, based on not only their looks and acting chops but on their screen presence; among them Debbie Rochon, Felicia Pandolfi, Amber Newman, Tina Krause, and Tanya Dempsey. I wouldn’t be surprised to see one of them jump the fence at some point.
JASON: That’s a fine list, John. Many well-known actresses have gotten their start in b-movies, so it’s not hard to imagine some of those listed making the leap. One of the better-known actresses of today that I can think of off the top of my head is Brooke Adams who started her career doing a bizarre underwater Nazi Zombies movie called Shockwaves. Oh yes… and Academy Award-winning Renee Zwelleger started out with Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation!
GARY: The vast majority of actors won’t do nudity though because there’s a perceived bias against those who have appeared naked in previous works. None of the regional actors I’ve auditioned have wanted to appear in any state of undress - a bikini? Sure. Lingerie? If it’s not see-thru. But topless? No. Hollywood has severely cut back on having leading ladies appear undressed since the 80s and the Basic Instinct boom, and I think most actors fear a backlash if they do a micro without a bra and then try out for a co-starring role in a bigger budget production. Hence the proliferation of exotic dancers making the transition to the screen, at least on the micro level.
JASON: It all depends on the story, I think. If you have a strong story, actors will relax about shedding clothing because it’s a necessary contribution to the narrative. In my movie Here Comes Your Man, I wanted very graphic depictions of sex because that was the modus operandi for the murderer of the piece. He killed women by spreading HIV to them via sex. The angry and frank tone of the piece necessitated actors be cool with this. And they were because those who got involved believed in the work we were doing.
I can understand an actress or actor balking at doing a horror picture with a sex scene in it or just random nudity – in that context it often adds nothing to the piece but marketability. Same with comedy. Why does this person need to be nude in the screenplay? What is the reason? Answer: to move units.
I’ve often stated that unless sex or nudity plays a role in the greater context of a movie (or even an individual scene) it’s unnecessary. I think it would be fantastic if more people started making movies ABOUT sex – started studying it more closely. Make erotic pictures with strong characters and storylines. It can be done. And if you want to blend comedy or horror within the context of a sexy storyline, then do so. Just think it through first! Naked people does not equal sexy. It equals marketing points. And not many marketing points either. But make something really, truly sexy, and people will want to see the movie.
I do think we’ll be seeing this kind of work coming from people as they mature as directors on the scene. There’s talent out there, and sex is an undeniable part of almost everyone’s life.
JOHN: So there is good news on the MicrocinemaScene! Oh, did I mention that all of this information of course comes second hand, and I would never watch any of these types of movies, especially if my wife reads this column?
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