Legends

By Louis Fowler • Apr 17th, 2007 • Category: Comedy

You know those guys, clad in black trenchcoats that hang out at GameStop all day long, never buying anything but just hanging out talking about what they would have done differently in Lord of the Rings in-between calling each other “faggot”? Well, what if those guys decided to make a movie?

You’d have Legends.

Legends is not very good. At all.

I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again: Kevin Smith, no matter how great you think he is, is the worst thing to happen to indie film since Tarantino spawned all those Mexican stand-off rip-offs. So many young filmmakers think they have a grasp on clever, ironically delivered dialog, but, sorry gang, you don’t. Instead, you get a screenplay filled with lame comebacks about “your mom”, badly delivered gay jokes and passé pop cultural references that wouldn’t even muster a bit on Family Guy. And while this is bad enough, to add insult to injury, the makers of Legends use it in such an out-of-place world as the one of this film—the film takes place in 204-something, where America has collapsed from a civil war and the hope of humanity hangs on these two kids, both of whom still live in their mom’s nicely decorated house and wander around the forest with flea-market swords—the humor is so temporally displaced that it’s too unnerving to be funny.

I can’t fault the guys for the production values. It’s a microfilm and they did the best with what they had. Kudos, fellas. The problem is the screenplay. Why would anyone care about these two douchebag characters? They are grating, not funny. As I said in the beginning of this review, everything these two say is what you’d expect to overhear from a pair of losers hanging out at the GameStop all day. Director Steve Rudzinski has great no-budget directing skills—maybe if he can get his hands on an original screenplay that he (or his friends) didn’t write, he can reach that full potential. But until that day, this shit will only be funny to you and your buds.

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