For many of us, the real fear that the Scream generation of films created had more to do with the simple math executives were using to make the next batch of horror movies: a pretty cast from the latest WB hit [plus] creative ways to kill them off [equals] plenty of box office cash.  Dark Legend takes that equation and multiplies it ten fold–forgetting one little thing: an actual script.

I think I figured out what happened; the people at NoCash Films had access to a number of very attractive male and female models, but instead of asking them to actually act, they just video taped various photo sessions where they’d look pretty - and get killed by an unseen killer.  Because that’s really all this movie is.

There’s somewhat of an attempt to explain what’s happening; something about a “redneck” (even though this movie feels like it was shot somewhere in Europe) killing people, and a modeling shoot scheduled for the house where he used to live.  After a seemingly unrelated prologue where a team of military types are killed off by something “inhuman” (I’m guessing it was the killer, but really, your guess is as good as mine), we’re treated to roughly an hour of pretty people getting killed.  And that folks IS the whole movie.  We meet characters who don’t speak - they simply walk around, are stalked, and get killed.  This happens time and time again.

The strangest part about the film is that outside of one word (”Hello”), there is no dialogue spoken by any of the cast members while they’re on camera.  There are a few lines of voice-over to try and explain things early on, but for the most part this would be a silent movie if it weren’t for the songs on the soundtrack and the sound effects when someone is killed.  At least the songs are pretty good, even if a few of them don’t really fit with what we’re seeing on-screen.  Many of the sequences feel more like music videos than scenes from a horror movie.

The imagery is beautiful at times, although it does tend to have a shiny glow that makes it look more like a surreal art film than a slasher flick.  And then there’s the b-roll of an ant walking on a pink flower and clouds rolling across the sky using time lapse photography, which only adds to the dream-like qualities of the film.

Dark Legend is about as far away from a traditional narrative as you can get.  By me saying it’s about a group of models going to a photo shoot at the home of a redneck killer might actually have people believing there is some kind of story here to be told.  There’s not.  If you’re looking for some stylish images, and some attractive people getting stabbed in various ways, then maybe this is your cup of tea.

There is plenty of gore (no nudity though, despite the extended shower scene where we get to see a female victim rinse and repeat), and the killer does keep coming back to life (at least I think that’s what was happeneing).  And there’s even a kind of clever ending if you make it that far (and can handle the bizarre way it’s told).  But outside of the soundtrack, this is anything but a typical WB slasher flick.  And unfortunately, that’s not a good thing in this case.

One and a half stars.